barelyadventist.comBarelyAdventist – Adventist satire and humor (not exactly

news) About BarelyAdventist Support BarelyAdventist on Patreon Search Search for: Search BarelyAdventist Adventist satire and humor (not exactly news) Facebook Twitter Google Plus Custom Social About BarelyAdventist Support BarelyAdventist on Patreon Search Search for: Search Subscribe to BarelyAdventist if you want to laugh more! Remember what the Bible says about a merry heart?;) Email Address CLlCK FOR HAPPY SABBATHS Preaching Pastor Bored By Own Sermon By sevvy May 14, 2024 May 14, 2024 audience engagement , boredom , content , sermons itemprop="discussionURL" 0 Pastor Daniel Remmings shifted his weight from one foot to the other, staring out over the congregation with heavy-lidded eyes. He cleared his throat for the tenth time, prompting a few members Read more […] Share this: Tweet WhatsApp More Reddit Share on Tumblr Pocket Print Continue reading "Pastor Bored By Own Sermon" Baptism Pastor Accused of Rushing Through Baptism in Freezing River By sevvy May 13, 2024 May 13, 2024 baptism , express , freezing , rush itemprop="discussionURL" 0 Pastor Randall Pitts of the Boise Westview Seventh-day Adventist Church is under fire this week after several church members accused him of recklessly rushing through a baptism ceremony in the local Read more […] Share this: Tweet WhatsApp More Reddit Share on Tumblr Pocket Print Continue reading "Pastor Accused of Rushing Through Baptism in Freezing River" Health Message , Little Debbie’s Adventist Can’t Lose Weight No Matter How Many Little Debbie’s He Eats By sevvy May 12, 2024 May 12, 2024 eating Adventist , health message itemprop="discussionURL" 0 Local Adventist Caleb Johnson just can’t seem to lose those stubborn last 15 pounds no matter how much he eats Adventist-owned Little Debbie snack cakes, sources confirmed today. I don’t get Read more […] Share this: Tweet WhatsApp More Reddit Share on Tumblr Pocket Print Continue reading "Adventist Can’t Lose Weight No Matter How Many Little Debbie’s He Eats" Singles Disproportionately High Number Of Single Women Telling Good Looking Visiting Speaker How Blessed They Were By Sermon By sevvy May 11, 2024 May 11, 2024 itemprop="discussionURL" 0 Following a sermon on Saturday by famously unmarried visiting speaker Bryan Reynolds at the Cougardale SDA Church, sources confirmed an unusually high number of single women approached the handsome Read more […] Share this: Tweet WhatsApp More Reddit Share on Tumblr Pocket Print Continue reading "Disproportionately High Number Of Single Women Telling Good Looking Visiting Speaker How Blessed They Were By Sermon" Academic Freedom , Walla Walla University New President Alex Bryan Promises Full Scholarships to Walla Walla Students Who Get Married By Christmas By sevvy May 10, 2024 May 10, 2024 #gethitched , incentives , scholarships itemprop="discussionURL" 0 Newly appointed Walla Walla University president Dr. Alex Bryan is wasting no time making his mark on the Adventist school. In a move that has students buzzing, Bryan announced today that WWU students Read more […] Share this: Tweet WhatsApp More Reddit Share on Tumblr Pocket Print Continue reading "New President Alex Bryan Promises Full Scholarships to Walla Walla Students Who Get Married By Christmas" Dating , Southwestern Adventist University Southern Promises Never to Invite Back Gift of Singleness” Speaker By sevvy May 9, 2024 May 9, 2024 Adventist college , Dating , marriage , Southern itemprop="discussionURL" 0 Southern Adventist University has issued a formal apology and sworn a blood oath never to invite back the misguided speaker who dared to promote the gift of singleness” during a recent Week of Read more […] Share this: Tweet WhatsApp More Reddit Share on Tumblr Pocket Print Continue reading "Southern Promises Never to Invite Back Gift of Singleness” Speaker" Dancing Rhythm? What’s That? The Adventist Struggle on the Dance Floor By sevvy May 8, 2024 May 8, 2024 Adventist dancing , Awkward , marching , no dancing , Panic itemprop="discussionURL" 0 As Adventists, we were raised to believe that dancing was a sin akin to bearing false witness or coveting thy neighbor’s ox. From a young age, we were taught to view any rhythmic body movement Read more […] Share this: Tweet WhatsApp More Reddit Share on Tumblr Pocket Print Continue reading "Rhythm? What’s That? The Adventist Struggle on the Dance Floor" Offerings Pastor Installs Big Guilt Button in Pulpit By sevvy May 7, 2024 May 7, 2024 guilt , manipulation , offering , shame itemprop="discussionURL" 0 In a move that has garnered both confusion and consternation from his congregation, Pastor Jeb Caseload of the Soyburg Seventh-day Adventist Church has installed a large red button labeled GUILT” Read more […] Share this: Tweet WhatsApp More Reddit Share on Tumblr Pocket Print Continue reading "Pastor Installs Big Guilt Button in Pulpit" Church Life Adventist Spends Entire Service Praying For Strength to Say No” to Nominating Committee Roles By sevvy May 6, 2024 May 6, 2024 burnout , stretched thin , volunteering itemprop="discussionURL" 0 As Sister Diane Overcommitted took her usual seat in the third pew from the front, she knew what was coming. Her body tensed up as she spotted Elder Tasker making his way down the aisle, arms Read more […] Share this: Tweet WhatsApp More Reddit Share on Tumblr Pocket Print Continue reading "Adventist Spends Entire Service Praying For Strength to Say No” to Nominating Committee Roles" Pastors 11 Reasons Why Being a Pastor’s Spouse is the Hardest Job By sevvy May 5, 2024 May 5, 2024 expectations , families , pastors , spouses , wives itemprop="discussionURL" 0 1. You’re expected to be a perfect role model at all times, with no room for human flaws or mistakes. 2. Your personal life is constantly under scrutiny, with church members feeling entitled Read more […] Share this: Tweet WhatsApp More Reddit Share on Tumblr Pocket Print Continue reading "11 Reasons Why Being a Pastor’s Spouse is the Hardest Job" Posts navigation 1 2 3 … 165 Categories Categories Select Category #NotSatire Academic Freedom Academy Adornment ADRA Adventist Art Adventist Attire Adventist Book Center Adventist Celebrities Adventist Culture Adventist Education Adventist entertainment Adventist Food Adventist Home Adventist Hospitals Adventist Men Adventist Music Adventist paranoia Adventist Parents Adventist Prophesy Adventist Publishing Adventist University of the Philippines Adventists Speak Up Alcohol Ancient News Andrews Theological Seminary Andrews University Annual Council Ask Auntie Adventist Atlantic Union College Australia Baptism Ben Carson Biblical Research Institute Biden Big Franks Blue Zone Brazilian Adventists Bubbles Bureaucracy Camp Meeting Carob Cartoons Catholics Centenarians Children CHIP Christmas Church Growth Church Life Church Politics Coffee Collegedale Communion Competitive Sports Compliance Contemporary Music Coronavirus Courtship Creationism Dancing Dating Desmond Doss Digital Evangelism Donald Trump Doug Batchelor Drums Dwight Dwight Nelson Editorial Election Ellen White En español End Times Evangelism Evolution Female ordination Fundamental Beliefs General Conference Great Disappointment GYC Haystacks Health Message Heritage Singers Hope Channel Jewelry Kinship La Sierra University Legalism LGBT Liberals Little Debbie’s Loma Linda Loma Linda University Marriage Melashenko Family Membership Michigan Conference Mission Story Mission Trip Missionary Movies Music Newbold College North American Division Northern Caribbean University Not Satire Oakwood University Offerings Origins Pacific Union College Pastors Pathfinders Peculiar People Philippines Pope Pope Francis Potluck Prayer Preaching Prophecy Prophesy Racism Record Keeper Religious Liberty Remnant Complex Reverence Roman Catholics Ryan Bell s Sabbath Sabbath Observance Sabbath School San Antonio 2015 General Conference Session Second Coming Separation of Church and State Sexuality Signs of the Times Singles Slide Show...